So its been quite a while since I was in a relationship, three years maybe more you loose count after a while . Now after a while you start to question why. You consider weather your are unattractive, boring or possibly un-amusing. Now im generally quite a paranoid guy but I know that im funny, interesting and, well im not exactly ugly. So why?
Well I met someone recently who I got along with well. We made each other laugh, smile and blush. Things seemed to be going well. This was all when I thought the only relationship we would have would be one as friends. I woke up the next morning and realised that I actually quite fancied (School yard word I know but I think it is probably the best one for the situation) her. Then the reason for me to stay just friends was removed (another story). It is at this point that I transformed into someone completely different.
The first thing to happen was for my head exploded with ways to try and make this person like me. This was quickly followed by a plethora of reasons why she wouldn’t like me, this induced a sense of paranoia and resulted in me going completely silent, which resulted in the beer going down much quicker than normal. Anything which I did say I analysed from every angle in an attempt to predict what reaction it would have, obviously it never induced the intended reaction and had the result of me responding completely out of character. When it came to telling jokes it was just embarrassing. The fact that the beer was going down quicker meant that this all continued but I no longer had the intelligence or wit to make this new guy even remotely interesting
Well somehow this woman gave me her number, pity I suspect. So this took us to round 2. Round 2 is when things get worse. This is when I try to play “the game”. Im not sure if this is a game everyone plays. Basically it involves trying to get someone to like you by flirting but at the same time not showing too much interested. This is where I come into my own at being a social retard. I caught her online a few times and tried to make small talk; however as I had still not been able to start acting like myself I was quite boring and probably came across a little wired. As an example of how bad I am at this here is an excert of one of the text messages I sent
“…I dont like not being able to cheer people up but dont have the skill set to do it with a text based median…”
What the fuck, I read it back and I thought the person who wrote it was a prick, god knows what someone who hardly knows me would think. I mean when would anyone use the phrase “text based median” when trying to impress a member of the opposite sex its more something you would use in a technical document, sexy.
So as you can see this is the reason I dont have a relationship, in actual fact I wonder how I ever managed to get one in the first place. Hopefully I will learn my lessons from this one. I may try being honest. That is after all what woman say they want, however I subject I will find out that being honest is a bigger mind field then “the game”. But at least it will be me that fucks things up and not this social retard which comes out whenever I like someone.
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